We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
