You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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