***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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