You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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