I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
