I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is wine microwaveable?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
