So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
