can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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