don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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