What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You don't make any sense
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