Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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