i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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