you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
