I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
