The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize