Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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