I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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