dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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