I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
