Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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