is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
