i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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