Your face is a jimmy john
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
