I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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