The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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