So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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