your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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