The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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