There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
