why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
