Just fell off a train. Bad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
