my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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