then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
