the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
