He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
