We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
