fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
