not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
