either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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