Soap is not a condiment
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
