Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
