I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
