I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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