imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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