I can tuck mytits in my pants
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
