It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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