You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
