I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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