I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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