i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
