i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
