I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he thought i was a dude.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
