I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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