I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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