we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
