Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
