I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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