I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
