we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
