Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
