there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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