ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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