I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
