The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
