he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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