Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
