at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
