i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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