i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
