No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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