I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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