My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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