Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
