I heard we made out
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
