Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
