Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
