i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
