OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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